that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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