i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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