dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
