Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
