you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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