:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
