I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
