I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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