i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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