I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
