I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
