You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
