I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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