Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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