im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
