i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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