I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
