just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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