My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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