Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You can't special order awesome
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
