Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
