Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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