How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
