You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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