Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
God, I missed his penis.
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