listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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