the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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