So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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