it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
