Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
