I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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