so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I look better un-naked...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
