you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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