I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i believe in u and ur pee
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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