im about as happy as oj after his trial
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just blew my weed a kiss
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
