you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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