Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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