FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
