my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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