There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
