Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I understand Curling. That high.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
