I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
