I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
