i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
