When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
