why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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