Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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