Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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