i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
