i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
